Today is my kind of day. The air is heavy and smells of wet earth and wood smoke, the sky is dark and looming, and the house is bright and warm in its midst. Life is solemn and cool just like the weather around me. This is what I crave.
When the weather gets this way, it reminds me of my growing up years in the mountains of Oregon and California. Watching the rain come down, listening to its rhythm, seeing the patterns it made in the puddles it made. Nestling down in a blanket in the big lounging chair with a book and hot coffee, staring at the Christmas tree that stood in its glory just across the room.
Well, its Christmas time once again, I'm so many miles from my mountain home, and worlds away from my family. I haven't seen most of them since about this time last year, and Christmas is a melancholy time without them. I still talk to my dad and sister as much as I can, their conversations help my world turn a little easier. While I try to hold onto life the way it was, I'm coming to realize that every day is a new beginning.
Hoss and I went out on Saturday and bought our first Christmas tree! And while we don't have an abundance of decorations, we're both very happy with what we have. We got our tree from the lot his family has been going to for years. We settled on a Frasier fir and while we were hunting for "the one" I saw a very large and grand tree that would have taken up every inch of our 9 foot ceilings, and the best part, a small birds nest was built in one of the lowest branches. After inspecting the price tag I turned to the one across the aisle, and grabbed our slightly smaller, not quite so full tree... and the birds nest!
When we went to decorate it, I dragged out all the ornaments Ive been collecting for months (and years), and we set to work. We strung lights, swagged gold beads, and in each of the bald spots sits a birds nest (thank heaven Hoss shares my love for birds and doesn't mind when I include them in every aspect of decorating). Looking back Ive always envied the look of my mothers Christmas trees, and while gold beads and white lights are the only similarities, it is ever reminiscent of the trees I grew up with. I realize now that it wasn't the trees or the decorations themselves that made them special all those years, it was the memories that went with them. Hoss and I finally have the opportunity to make our own memories, so little by little, I know Ill let go of my jealousy for my mothers tree and my craving for the past, and Ill focus more on making the story behind our tree a beautiful one.
